4 Tips for Getting through your Next Career Reinvention as an EFM or Military Spouse
Here I am again, I thought to myself. In DC without a job, trying to figure out what is next for me.
Living overseas as a partner of a Foreign Service Officer is fun and I love it, but it hasn’t done much for my career. Between taking a career pause to raise my two boys and stringing together EFM (Eligible Family Member) jobs, I vividly remember when I reached the point where I was constantly asking myself what was next in my career.
Do I want to continue to have jobs that keep me busy and bring in a small stipend each month? Do I want to start my career over or pick up where I left off? What do I want to model for my children? Do I want to stay in this revolving door of finding a job in DC for a couple of years and then try for another Embassy job when we PCS again?
With this last option, I sometimes end up in the same office as my husband. While that was fun and I felt like part of the community, I was still “just” the EFM — which is so demoralizing. Not to mention possible nepotism conflicts or reviews. I just remember asking myself over and over again, What do I do now?
Thankfully, I’ve moved past that point. But reflecting on it now, I know my experience is not unique in the Foreign Service or military life. When our LVL-Up team surveyed 248 EFMs last year, 60% of them said that navigating a new job search is the biggest challenge when returning to the States. Despite changes in remote work advances, 46% of them said they had to leave their jobs when they left DC.
We as EFMs have so many things to think about at any given time. Often what we want to do with our lives gets put on hold while we are packing, settling the family, making summer arrangements, managing schools, unpacking, and figuring out a new country. It’s a lot, and it’s easy to lose our professional and personal identities in the process.
You are important. The roles you desire outside of your role as an EFM are important. Don’t give up hope just yet. As you travel this EFM journey—no matter if this is your first tour or your fifth—just know that there are steps you can take to recharge your career. Here five steps that were the most important to me, and I hope they help you too.
1. Create Mission, Vision, and Values statements for yourself.
Take the time to figure out what you want to do. This gives you a purpose and goal to strive for.
When we get a new assignment, all I can think about is, “Let’s get there!” Once there, all I can think about is how to survive. Towards the end of a tour, I focus on the next transition to a new post. These cycles won’t go away; they are inherent to this lifestyle. But there is room to focus on you too. Be guided by what excites you and gets you out of bed in the morning.
Start with a brainstorm. What’s important to you? Why? Then find resources to help you craft your personal Mission, Vision, and Values. Bonus points if you share them with your partner, family, and close friends because that makes it easier to live out those statements. They jump off the page and come alive through your actions.
2. Don’t be afraid to re-evaluate your career.
After moving around and experiencing life and different cultures, it is only natural to ask yourself if you want to continue in your past line of work. Navigating the International Schools may motivate you to get involved professionally and organize the chaos you feel as a parent. Working at the Embassy could help you feel connected to the Mission abroad while transferring your skillset to EPAP (Expanded Professional Associates Program) or DETO (Domestic Employee Teleworking Overseas) roles. Joining a group like yoga or InterNations connect you to a community and open up entrepreneurial career options you haven’t considered before.
Re-evaluating doesn’t always mean changing. It can also mean deepening your desire for what you do or honing it to be more useful overseas. A good place to start is to evaluate your professional experience as a whole. What did you enjoy doing most? What were you best at doing? What would you like to learn?
3. Don’t sell yourself short.
Multiple studies have shown that men will apply for jobs where they are about 60% sure they are qualified whereas women only apply for jobs they feel 100% qualified for. Back in DC, I logically searched USAJobs as I had worked for various Embassies and had a security clearance. But, I quickly became frustrated because I didn’t “qualify” for most of the jobs.
Now I know not every EFM is a woman, but the feeling we aren’t qualified enough to apply for jobs as EFMs is universal. Self-doubt creeps in when we see “career gaps” or varied roles on our resumes. But you are more than that. We have so many valuable skills, like project management, schedule management, problem-solving, and learning new things quickly. Companies are lucky to have someone as seasoned, adaptable, and resilient as you are. Identify these superpowers, frame them as transferable skills on your resume, and practice using them in your elevator pitch.
4. Resources are available.
In DC, I was at the end of my rope when a fellow EFM told me to reach out to the GCLO (Global Community Liaison Office). I had a conversation with someone from GCLO, and she added me to her weekly newsletter. That is where I found the job I have now, here at LVL-Up. Timing is everything, but times have changed alot for job-searching EFMs since then. We have more resources than ever to create continuous, progressive careers.
Within the State Department, EFMs are making noise and are starting to be heard (granted, at the pace of the government; but progress is still celebrated).
A couple of advancements in the past decade include the FSRFC (Foreign Service Family Reserve Corps), which allows EFM to carry their clearance with them between posts to reduce wait time before starting a new job. Agencies are more open to DETO (Domestically Employed Teleworking Overseas) roles, allowing EFMs with civil service jobs to turn their positions into telework roles. There is even talk about Regional positions for EFMs, getting a job in Frankfurt, and keeping it while still in Europe.
Our team sees many great resources for our military spouses, such as Hiring Our Heroes and the Military Spouse Employment Program which focus on remote employment options. We hope to experience more of these opportunities on the Foreign Service side in the near future.
And don’t discount EFM-led Facebook groups like “Trailing Houses” or “EFMs Helping EFMs Find Employment” and “EFM Business Owners.” EFM podcasts such as Available Worldwide share EFM stories so you can see what might be possible for you. And researching companies like LVL-Up on the AFSA list will show you the types of businesses other EFMs have founded.
I think the biggest thing to remember is that an EFM is not a monolith. Some of us choose to work, some don’t. Some of us love the Embassy opportunities, some don’t. Our lives are on a unique, non-traditional path, which means we have to make unique, non-traditional choices. It is time to drop the judgment around the decisions you are making for yourself and your family. Evaluate what you want and don’t worry about conforming to only the options you think you have. Whether you are raising a family, working a full-time job, or anywhere in between, remember you are so much more than just an EFM!
1 https://hbr.org/2014/08/why-women-dont-apply-for-jobs-unless-theyre-100-qualified
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